Monday, August 25, 2008

Proper Indifference

Life is full of “X factors”. X factors are the little things that make big differences in the outcome of situations and circumstances. They drive change, they differentiate. We often hear about X factors in venues where there are elements that we can sense, yet we cannot define which played a big role in getting a result. I believe that one such factor is attitude, our perception of self and the world around us…and I believe a sub-factor can be indifference, and indifference properly applied.

I feel that there are two types of indifference that if adopted, yield markedly different results in our lives. The action of being indifferent is the same; indifference is a detachment, or lack of feeling one way or another about something. What distinguishes proper from improper indifference is the subject of the action. Just as it is with nuclear power, alcohol, bleach, and spandex, when used in proper context each can be used for good and can be productive things in our lives. However when used with the wrong motives, improper application, or with impure intentions results can lead to total destruction.

When we are properly indifferent, we are indifferent to the inner barriers that hold us back.

The key distinction is the following, improper indifference is projected on to the world around us, while proper indifference is applied to ourselves specifically, our fears and insecurities. Again, indifference to the world around you, bad; Indifference to yourself, good.

When we are indifferent to the people, places, and things that make the backdrop for the setting of our life stories, we disengage from the very things that God has called us to be engaged with. When we say we are indifferent about the world around us, we say we simply don’t care. Our hearts become hardened and disenfranchised, we do not feel, we do not love, and we do not take action in our own lives. We become self absorbed. Like a rest stop exit that you pass on a highway, the course of our lives goes unaltered and the pathways of our days, weeks, months and years are reduced from an epic journey to a simple commute from point A to point B. We lose the spontaneity and improvisational aspects of life that allows us to engage with and impact the people and things around us. Further, we lose the ability to be engaged by and be impacted by others!

Indifference strangles the adventure God has set out; it cheapens life, and isolates us from the very things we were called to be in community with.

Proper indifference or indifference to our selves is not a state of self-neglect or dejection. It is not resolving to passivity, or inaction; it is not indifference to sin or a stagnation of progress in our lives. The subject matter of proper indifference is not ourselves as people, but rather it is indifference that is targeted at our fears and insecurities. Proper indifferences acknowledges, and then ignores, the little things in our nature that keep us from loving, doing, and living our lives on a full and a faith-filled basis. Proper indifference defuses the element of “self”, and allows us to go full speed ahead, trusting, hoping, and living with hearts open to the world, it is saying “Screw it” to the things that keep our hearts closed off to the world around us, and “screw it” to the things that keep us from diving in head first and being fully engaged and fully invested.

If you have ever been cliff jumping or skydiving, there is always a point in time where we stand on the edge, we cautiously peer down below, we acknowledge our fear, then decide whether we jump. This is the same type of “screw it” attitude that pushes us forward, this is proper indifference. Improper indifference lets fear rule and leads us to walk away from those big scary moments.

Proper indifference yields an open heart and fearless pursuit of a life of faith.

Indifference is not the same as ignorance. It is not pretending that we do not have fear or insecurity each and every day as we walk the pathways of this life. It is not pretending that the cliffs we peer over are not tall. Fear and insecurities both can be very important barometers for our lives. They help us pinpoint areas where we need faith, and where we have a disconnection from the perfect love we are called to abide in. However, if we dwell on these elements, we end up building huge barriers to living a life on the edge in faith.

Proper indifference is being in the habit of proceeding through life in faith. It is removing the elements of self that keep us from being engaged, and setting them aside for the sake of having our hearts be fully Christ’s. The statement of “screw it”, changes from being something that segregates and detaches us, to something that drives us forward and keeps us taking leaps and bounds of faith in our daily lives.

Imagine what life would look like with a total disregard of fear of rejection, fear of failure, insecurity that we are unloved, fear that we won’t be loved back, insecurity in our looks, insecurity in our jobs…the list of things I would gladly set aside and become indifferent to is a long one.

When we become indifferent to all the things that hold us back, those little whispering voices in our heads and hearts that keep us from charging ahead into unsteady circumstances, we liberate our minds, our hearts, and our hands to give it our all. I am a huge believer that all we can do is give 100%, anything less will not do, and that is a terrifying concept to me. I can not dictate the outcome, I can only control my input (more on this concept in a few weeks), and therefore I make the choice to give it my all. As I wrote last week, this is a choice.

Indifference to the world around us leads to hearts plagued by apathy and inactivity; indifference to our fear leads to hearts filled with hope, energy, and a motivation to take action in our own lives. The verb is the same, the context and result are quite distinct.

When I look at Christ’s model, I can see both elements of indifference to self, and lack of indifference to the external world. When Jesus was engaged in ministry he was not simply a commuter, his heart was filled with compassion, he took tangents on his point A to point B pathways, he was deeply engaged with the people and things around him. At the same time, his “not my will but yours be done” attitude communicates a heart that was in touch yet unconcerned with any element of self.

Proper indifference means we are fully engaged in, yet fully detached from the world. We are in the world but not of the world. We become people not interested in popular conception, worldly expectations, or the progressive hurdles of modern life. We become people not concerned with self, we become better lovers, supporters, and servants of the people around us, and better livers of our lives.

So let us set our fears and insecurities aside and strive onward. Let us take on the challenges ahead, let us love fearlessly, let us live hopefully, and let us become indifferent only to those things that hold us back.

Its strange to consider that one of the hardest hurdles to clear will be me…one of the biggest challenges to overcome will be setting myself aside…

Also, special thanks to my friends and family for a fantastic birthday surprise last week, you all are amazing! Thank you for loving me like you do.

Screw it,
CP

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